Driving Me Crazy: Leave me and my hybrid car alone.

2012 Toyota Prius C

Automotive news and reviews website, Autoweek.com, recently published a review of the latest hybrid car to join Toyota's Prius family. 

Remember the old days when the Prius was just a singular hybrid car that ignited the scorn and derision of so-called automotive enthusiasts (how dare you sully my internal combustion with protons and electrons, how dare you, good sir)? 

Well now the Prius is an entire family of hybrid vehicles, some a little bigger (Prius V), some a little smaller (Prius C), than the original, but all of them just the right size to fire up the comments section of any article or posting that dare praise such blaphemous automobiles. In this regard, the compact-car-sized Prius C does not disappoint. 

Other than the "this car is boring to drive," the general cloud of scorn centers around the undeniable fact that a similar sized, non-hybrid car is so much cheaper to buy that even with improved mileage, it would be years and years before you "broke even" on your premium purchase. A dollars and cents analysis of hybrid vs comparable gasoline-only models is never going to result in victory for the hybrid (at least in the short term while gas prices continue to hover in the $3.50-$4.00 range). 

I know, I get it. Enough already. Can we move on?

Because for me that's besides the point. I mean, when folks are shopping conventional vehicles they make choices based on issues other than economic efficiencies and somehow that's okay. No one questions the economic sense of opting for sport-tuned suspension, summer-spec performance tires over low-rolling-resistance run-flats, the V6 versus the turbo 4-cylinder, etc.

2012 Toyota Yaris

But the hybrid buyer is constantly reminded that they are actually spending more money than they need to. They are criticized for their choices. Autoweek.com reader, Nick Matteucci says, "you would have to hate your wallet to buy this [ Toyota Prius C] over the [Toyota] Yaris." 

2012 BMW M5

And no one ever says to the BMW M5 owner, "wow, you must really hate your wallet, don't you know that a BMW 528i is $40,000 cheaper and only 2 seconds slower? How dare you be so stupid and self-righteous and superior acting to have bought a M5, what a waste?!" No one tells the prospective M5 owner that what he should actually buy, based on economics and the needs of his family, is a 4-cylinder Toyota Camry.

And yet, this is what happens, at least in these automotive forums, to hybrid supporters and/or owners. All the critics are suddenly accountants, and will offer up a virtual spread-sheet full of numbers to prove that buying a hybrid makes no financial sense.

So it's okay to be "financially irresponsible" when buying modern day muscle car, 4-door sports sedan, or an SUV, but it's not okay for the hybrid buyer to be motivated by something other than dollars and cents when he steps on the showroom floor?

Dad in Training: What's your name?

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about names. Last time around it was easy. Our dog, adopted from the Thompkins County SPCA in Ithaca, NY, needed a name that wasn't also the name of an off-brand soda collective. It didn't take long for my whip-smart wife to crack off the perfect name. Penny. Short for Penelope. Loyal, clever and true, in Homer's Odyssey, Penelope put off suitor after suitor seeking her hand and the throne, while  waiting for her husband Ulysses to return home to Ithaca from his battles in the Trojan War. Plus, we both thought Penny was a pretty name.

Almost 2 years later, we've got to come up with another name. And this time Homer hasn't been quite as helpful. Our little guy, giving us the High Five in the picture on the right, is going to be ready to be called something other than the adorable nicknames he's already acquired come late July. (How adorable? Too adorable for public consumption of course. Think puppies sleeping or kittens snuggling. Or sleeping puppies snuggling with kittens.)

At first people were quick to offer up suggestions, but after a day or two that well dried up. Maybe, like clothes, it's more fun to shop for girl names? Or maybe it had to do with our rule that you could only suggest names you liked. People sometimes love telling you all the "crazy" names you should never name your child.

"Yes...no, of course not...we would never name our child 'Rumer' (pronounced 'rumor')." With thanks to comedian Jeff Foxworthy, "You might be a crazy celebrity parent if..."

Fortunately, our struggle is not unique, and the world-wide web offers us lists. Lists of the most popular names, searchable by year. But wait, my child is unique and special and better than your child, and I am a fiercely independent Gen X-er, so why would I ever consider a popular name? Okay, forget the internet--the internet is for commoners. There must be something else? Something ancient and mysterious and helpful? Books, you say? What are these ancient tomes you speak of? Tell me more.

Baby name books come in many sizes and shapes. They have über-clever titles like 50,000+ Baby Names! The Baby Name Bible, 100,000+ Baby Names, and my favorite, the ironically titled The Complete Reverse Dictionary of Baby Names: Baby Names Made Easy. I'll pause now for a minute or two while you try to wrap your head around the concept of a "reverse dictionary of baby names."

Got it yet? No me neither. Let's move on then.

Anything that calls itself a bible must be definitive right? Plus it's got "50,000+" names in it. FIFTY THOUSAND! But wait, this other book has "100,000+" names. If my math is correct, that is twice as many names.

Before we see what actual gems these books have to offer, can we briefly discuss the "+" part of all three of these book's titles or subtitles? I imagine that some worn out editorial assistant got all the way up to 50,000 or 100,000 and then said, "No more counting for me. I'm done." What would have happened if editor of the "100,000+" book took his or her clearly superior stamina over to the "50,000+" book publisher's office?

The bible is easier to navigate than the reverse dictionary. First, go to the back half of the book for boys names, pick a letter and start reading. Each name comes with an explanation for your more complete understanding. The following is an actual entry:

"CELLO. Word name. If Viola is a credible girl's name, why not the mellow Cello for a boy?" (pg. 350)

Yes, why not? What a helpful suggestion! Cello...so mellow. I don't know though, what if you feel--in your belly--that you are going to have an agile child with a wide range of interests...Basoon? Do you expect raising a child to be a challenge...then French Horn is definitely your name.

After reading this actual musical suggestion in an actual book that is available from actual retailers, I promptly announced to my wife that I would be writing a baby name book. And the following was my actual first entry (I swear, ask her):

DOOR. Word name. Strong and solid, Door will both keep you safe and welcome you into his heart.

Of course 100,000+ beat me to it. "Dor" as it turns out is actually a Hebrew name for boys that means "generation." (pg. 494)

So, despite the suspect math and loosely defined use of the phrase "baby names," I guess these books still have a place in the preparation phase of becoming a dad. Breeze past the names that aren't for you, and think more about the others that strike the right chord.

Feel free to post your suggestions in the comments section below.