Newlywed Living: Cruising on the Norwegian Gem to the Bahamas

Recently, my wife and I were treated to a week-long cruise to the Bahamas by the good folks of the Norwegian Cruise Line. Having grown up spending Saturday nights watching "The Love Boat" and "Fantasy Island" but never actually setting sail on salty ocean waters, my mind was filled with questions. Would there be a virtual snow-storm of confetti tossed overboard as we shoved off from New York City's Pier 80 on the mighty Hudson River? Would I develop a secret crush on a girl-next-door-cute Cruise Director named Julie? Would a laugh-track punctuate my every double entendre-laced remark?

Well, as it turns out there was not a single shred of confetti. And as genuinely entertaining and funny as Gem's Cruise Director Ray was, he's not really my type. Just don't ask my wife about my secret obsession with Todd the Port and Shopping Consultant who was the star of his very own channel on the ship's television network. That guy could sell anything.

Despite the lack of confetti, as we backed out of an uncharacteristically large NYC parking spot on the river, I found leaving our decidedly "un-tropical" island (gray and cold on this day in late February) by way of ocean liner was pretty spectacular. The combination of the outstanding views of the city and the anticipation of shedding my thick wool Navy sailor's pea coat (worn by me for the first time in a totally appropriate setting), arriving in warm waters in just a few days was just what TV's Dr. Adam Bricker ordered!

Wendy's founder Dave Thomas believed that the two most important bites of his famous burgers were the first and last. Unlike the fast food giant's philosophy, it's pretty clear that Norwegian Cruise Lines also wants you to pay attention to the meaty bits in between and packed the Gem with activities for all ages and interests. I didn't get to them all, but I'm going to divide some of them into two categories for you to consider. Awesome and Less Awesome.

Bowling in the Spinnaker Lounge = Awesome
Who doesn't like to bowl? Seriously, if you don't like to bowl, I don't know what planet you came from, but you need to make your way to Deck 13 to check out the Gem's magical lanes. "Magical," in part, because they keep score all on their very own. This pleasant surprise eliminated the one part of this sport of champions that has always driven me to fits. Gutter balls I can handle; not knowing how to add x's and slashes and numbers in little boxes, I could not. Fair warning to any Big Lebowski's out there: Even in calm waters, bowling on a floating ship changes the game, so be prepared for your ball to take an unexpected "magical" turn or two.

Outdoor Ping Pong on Deck = Less Awesome
Let me be clear. I'm a fan but not a fanatic (witness the fact that I don't particularly care to refer to "ping pong" by it's more proper name, "table tennis;" but I did spend a rainy Saturday helping friends pick up, strap down to the roof of a Subaru Outback, and set up an extremely heavy, unwieldy and surprisingly complicated regulation-sized ping pong table). For obvious reasons tables on deck are strapped to the side of a ship's wall (creating a kind of ping pong/racquetball court hybrid) and depending on which end of the table you were standing, you either had to swing that paddle with the force of mighty Thor himself or allow a mere tap of your weapon touch the ball and watch a severe tailwind launch the plastic orb at roughly 100 knots towards your opponent. Hmmm....on second thought...AWESOME!

Chicago's Second City and Magic from Bob Trunell = Awesome
American Idol fans will know that one of judge Simon Cowell's favorite critiques of singers who are failing to live up to his expectations is to liken their performances to ones that belong on a cruise. Ouch! But I'm here to tell you that much of the Gem's onboard entertainment was really good. For sketch (popularized by shows like Saturday Night Live) and improv comedy, you would be hard pressed to find better performers than those from The Second City.

And Bob & Sarah Trunell put on a very nice magic show filled with some classic illusions that still impress in the shadows of today's flashier performers. Also many of the musicians who performed frequently on deck, in lounges and other areas were rock (and roll?) solid.

"Colorz" performed by the "Gem Dancers and Singers" = Less Awesome
These mainstage "house" performers worked hard to entertain with a variety of performances throughout the week. While you could appreciate the performer's talents and efforts, at times during "Colorz," it was hard not to think of judge Cowell's negative cruise-show characterizations. P.S. The "z" is not a typo.

Balcony Staterooms = Awesome
Having seen my fair share of ridiculously tiny New York City apartments, I can say with some authority that the Gem's Balcony Staterooms are really quite nice. Maybe it's because all of our apartment windows (except one) look into a sunlight deprived air shaft, but having a balcony with big glass sliding doors that opened up to an ocean view was amazing! Warmer nights we kept the doors open and enjoyed the sounds of waves crashing against the ship's hull and the smell of fresh ocean air. The bed was comfortable, the room was well appointed with a variety of comfortable seating locations, spacious drawers and a closet (NYC contractors take note please)!

Being sea-sick in said stateroom = Less Awesome
Despite an arsenal of motion sickness fighting ginger-based products (ginger beer, actual raw ginger root) and saltine crackers taken from the soup station at the Garden Café, rougher-than-usual seas on our trip south to Port Canaveral Florida, my wife and I were in bad shape for around 12 hours of our trip. The return trip was much smoother and we later found out that the main desk has medication that is supposed to help with motions sickness when the boat starts rocking.

Meeting and spending time with this country's only Lego Masterbuilder Dan Steininger = DOUBLE AWESOME
Look, I don't care what anyone says. The world's greatest toy, ever? Yes, Legos. I'm not going to lecture anyone about the value of self-play and using your imagination. But I grew up building and playing with these colorful blocks and was thrilled to be able to help construct the Lego mural you see here. A special guest on this particular cruise, Dan is usually building three dimensional objects on land, like this full-sized Volvo station wagon. Since his appearance on board, families can expect more basic building blocks and projects to be a regular part of many NCL cruises to make sure kids of all ages can have a little Lego fun.

"Freestyle Cruising" = Awesome & Less Awesome
NCL's "Freestyle Cruising" philosophy seems to be the way to go for even the moderately independent traveler. NCL has 12 different restaurants to choose from and you are free to make reservations and dine at any of them. It so happens that, for most dinners, we were invited to eat with a really nice group of journalists, NCL public relations representatives and Lego Master Dan and his daughter. It was an event we always looked forward to, but having the option to freestyle dine whenever we wanted was nice.

The "less awesome" part of Freestyle dining comes when you realize that many of the restaurants have a "cover charge" above and beyond what you've already paid for with your cruising package.

Epilogue: A few days ago, I was pedaling along the West Side bike path which runs along the Hudson river and as I approached Pier 80, I saw the Norwegian Gem docked and ready for their next batch of passengers. I couldn't help but to feel a little wistful...