Bicycle Racing: The Return of the Jedis

By now, you've probably heard that Lance Armstrong has joined the list of superstar athletes who make the terrible mistake of retiring at the top of their game, enjoy life without training, competition and comradery for all of about 10 minutes before they start thinking about their return to the glory days. Lance will tell you that he's doing it to promote the world-wide fight against cancer through his Livestrong Foundation. And it's hard to argue the point. There's a good chance he's using the Jedi Mind Trick after-all. But make no mistake about it. He's also out to rip off the legs of his foes and prove that, to borrow the words of Saffire-The Uppity Blues Women, "age ain't nothing but a number and the good Lord made it so." And he's about to get his chance.

This Valentine's Day, many of the world's greatest bicycle racers are going to line up for the start of The Amgen Tour of California. The 9-day race begins in the state's capitol, Sacramento, and 750 miles later, ends in the southern city of Escondido (a town whose city pride is so strong that their marketing tagline is "The Heart of San Diego North." Uhm, P.S. San Diego is over 30 miles away from Escondido). They will battle coastal winds, mountain climbs, rolling roads and each other.

Forget about the 106-year-old Tour de France, the 3-year-old Tour of California could be the most important bicycle race of the year.

No longer a passing thought, or a mere excuse for European-based racers to bask in California sunshine in February (never mind that last year's edition featured cold, driving rain most every day), The Tour of California has quickly become not only the first and best test of early season fitness and form, but an invaluable tool by which riders can measure how far they have come in their winter training and more importantly, how far they've got to go.

Some of the biggest names in the sport will be at the Tour of California. Last year's winner of the Tour de France, Spainard Carlos Sastre is battling a fever, but he will be there. Then there are the deadly Schleck brothers from peaceful Luxembourg. They helped Sastre win the Tour de France last year, but now ride for a rival team. Belgian hard-man and sprinter, Tom Boonen will fight it out in the final 200 meters with New Yorker, George Hincapie. And a guy who calls the south suburbs of Chicago home, was the 4th place finisher in last year's Tour de France, Christian Vande Velde will be working on a building his form back up after a hard midwest winter for training. Of course California-native, and last year's the defending champion, Levi Leipheimer is as strong as ever and can count on the help of one very un-retired Lance Armstrong.

Of course, the Emperor reminds naive Jedis that confidence in ones friends can be a weakness. Lance isn't the only rider making a comeback this year. There are a few racers who have completed drug-related suspensions and are hoping to rediscover the power of riding at the front of a world-class peloton. I'll let you judge who rides for good and who rides for the dark side.

Ivan Basso-In the last few years of Lance's domination of the Tour de France, there was only one rider who could keep up with the Texan when he unleashed his fury in the Alps and Pyrenees. Poised to take over the title of the next Tour champion after Armstrong retired, Italian Basso never got a chance as he admitted to making arrangements with an infamous gynecologist (I'm not kidding) to illegally boost his racing performance. Basso claims he never went through with it, but was still suspended for 2 years. 2009 marks his first full season back in the sport and he has already said that the Tour de France is not on his schedule. He is going to be in California though!

Floyd Landis-You probably know him as the Mennonite from rural Pennsylvania who, in 2006, was the third American to win the Tour de France. Unfortunately, his stunning achievement was overshadowed by a positive drug test for testosterone. Floyd waged a protracted and expensive 2-year battle to clear his name but ultimately lost that fight. He still maintains his innocence. Now with his penalty paid (2 years suspension from competition), he's back and rumors are that he's still strong as a buggy-pulling horse. Maybe you remember him as one of Lance's strongest teammates? This is relevant, because after Floyd left Lance's side to lead his own team, things got kind of ugly on the road between the two. They both say all of that is behind them. We'll see. This year he's riding for a smaller US based team (Ouch presented by Maxxis) that cannot compete in the Tour de France. Fortunately for you and I, he and his surgically repaired/replaced hip is going to be in California.

Tyler Hamilton-Another former Lance Armstrong lieutenant, Hamilton never fell afoul of his former captain when he left to lead his own team. So no drama there. But in 2003, while riding for a rival team (CSC) at the Tour de France, Tyler broke his collarbone on the first stage of the race. Instead of, I don't know, going to a doctor and getting a sling or something, Hamilton insisted on continuing the race. 15 days later, he broke away from the chasing field and won the 16th stage at the Tour de France. Unfortunately, the next year, he was found guilty of illegal performance enhancing acts ("blood doping"). He too fought the charges for two years to no avail and continues to maintain his innocence. Fresh off his suspension, Tour of California organizers didn't want even the wiff of scandal associated with last year's race so they did not allow Tyler to race. This year, Rock Racing gets to bring Tyler and a full team of slightly tarnished (disgraced?) former Euro-stars to the party. The upstart, rabble-rousing Rock Racing team showed glimmers of strength last year and Tyler even managed to win the US National Championships. Hamilton and his team don't qualify for the Tour de France, but they will make trouble for the favorites at the Tour of California.

And if the force of these 3 dramatic prequels aren't enough to get you to care about what goes on at the Tour of California, know this about Lance's performance in the next 9 days. He is not going to win the race. He is going there to ride in support of his teammate and defending champion Levi Leipheimer (probably the best American cyclist you have never heard of). But if you see Lance riding at the front of the pack every day, then come July, when he lines up for the Tour de France? Look out. But if he struggles in California, then Lance will be little more than a bit player in the drama of the Tour de France.

And that's why, the Tour of California might be the most important race of the year.


Tune in to daily cable television coverage on the Versus channel or watch on your computer for free with cycling.tv

Newlywed Living: When She Leaves You

I saw it coming weeks, maybe months in advance. There was one time in mid-December, when she changed her mind (holiday spirit?) and she stayed. But not too long ago, my wife Sarah packed up her gear and left me.

For the weekend.

Sarah and Hope (an all-star 5th-grade teacher at Hall Memorial School in Connecticut) had been planning a holiday gift and wedding-album craft-creation-explosion-of-fun-times-exchange for months now and finally both were free and clear to make full use of their crafting superpowers.

And so when Sarah left for work that morning with her rolling orange suitcase in tow, I knew that I was on my own. And at this point you may be wondering why a grown-a** man (apologies for the profanity, I've been watching HBO's The Wire on DVD and am sort of addicted to what may be the greatest television show, ever) might be worried about a lonely weekend without his wife, let me assure you that there are problems.

These problems--unique to the married man--generally fall into two categories. With whom and what?

"With whom" problem #1: You can't go out with your single friends. I don't know about you, but if you are even a smidge like me, the single-scene wasn't fun when you were single, so going out as your friend's wing-man (providing he would even want your dopey married self hanging out with him), spending way too much money on drinks? And if perchance those days were fun for you (who are you?), how much fun is it going to be now with a ring on your finger? This is a lose-lose idea for nerds and cool-guys alike.

"With whom" problem #2: You can't go out with your married friends. Because as great as your married friends are, can you really imagine them wanting to hang out with you alone without your better half? I mean, I'm sure you are perfectly charming and nice and all, but who are you kidding? Plus, you don't want to be a third wheel either.

"What" problem #1: I don't care what your hipster female friends say, you cannot go to the movie theater by yourself. When she goes out to the movies by herself, this says, "I am a self-assured, independently strong woman who does what she wants, when she wants." When he goes out to the movies by himself, this says, "I am a sad little man who is all alone this weekend and has nothing strong and manly to do." It's also just feels a little creepy. It shouldn't and isn't, but there's a definite vibe broadcast by the single guy walking into a movie theater alone.

"What" problem #2: Going out to dinner by yourself? See above.

So what to do? As I see it, there are 3 must-do activities for the temporarily single man home alone for the weekend.

1. MAKE A MEAL OF IT! I love my wife, I really do. She is perfect in every way except one. Unfortunately, Sarah does not share my enthusiasm for "Breakfast for Dinner." Specifically pancakes and sausage drowning in butter and maple syrup (the real stuff on both accounts please). I can sometimes get her to indulge in pancakes (sans the maple nectar of the gods) for breakfast, but sharing a meal with someone who is just humoring you cuts down the tasty-goodness of an honest stack of fluffy pancakes by 38%. Roughly. So when she's gone for the weekend, it's just me, a box of Bisquick, a jug of Hillsboro Sugarworks Grade A Dark Amber Vermont maple syrup and some assortment of fried, salted pork products. P.S. When she is home alone, I think she has goat cheese parties. Yuck.

2. RENTAL MOVIE NIGHT MADNESS! Since you are married to the love of your life (you are, right?!), then there's a pretty good chance that you have pretty similar tastes when it comes to cinematic diversions. Well, with the wifey away, now is your time to indulge in the kinds of movies that you wouldn't necessarily see together. And I'm not just talking about your double secret desire to have your own personal "Bride Wars-27 Dresses-Made of Honor" marathon (oh, Patrick Dempsey, you're so McDreamy).

I'm also talking about the kind of movies that you are sort of curious about, but "so-so" or bad reviews made you and yours think better of spending valuable couple time and money on such celluloid fantasies. For me, this meant going to my computer and watching Spider Man 3 via the Netflix "Watch Instantly" service. While Sarah and I both enjoyed the first two Spider Man movies, I have to say, that I'm glad I spared her viewing the third installment of the trilogy. There are way too many good movies out there for us to see together.

3. SLEEP DIAGONALLY! I don't care if you two are world champion spooners, or that there is so much love in your heart that you don't mind her knees digging into the small of your back, or the occasional swift elbow to the temple when she roles over, having the whole bed to yourself is just--to borrow a British expression--brilliant. Sleeping diagonally is the best use of this sometimes-space in your bed. Clearly.

NOW IT'S YOUR TURN! What kinds of things do you do, when your loved one is off on his or her own adventures? I look forward to reading your comments.